Why Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I love my child. I love him more than I thought was ever possible. But motherhood is hard. It is, by far, the hardest thing, I have ever done. Unless you are a mother, it is impossible to comprehend what it means when someone says its the hardest thing. I can attest to this because there was a time when I was not a mother and now I am. So I have lived both ways. And its hard.

When you are a mother, you are responsible for another person's life. You are responsible for whether or not that little person will grow up to appreciate others, be empathetic, find humor in life's hardship, etc. And you will be blamed if they end up less than perfect. They will blame you. I recently had the pleasure of my only child say to me "Unlike you, I don't have brothers and sisters to play with." Someone shoot me now.

You may never sleep through the night again. You may wonder "is he breathing?", "is he going to throw up again?", or "have I ruined him for life?" Long after your child has learned to sleep through the night, you may find yourself up, watching Law and Order reruns wondering how you will ever sleep through the night again.

Your own needs will ultimately by tempered by the needs of your child. You will do whatever it takes to make sure your child is happy, and well adjusted, even if you have to break their heart in the process. And even if you have to put off your own happiness for a while.

You will suffer through shows you hate, books you've read a thousand times and freezing cold temperatures to make sure your child gets to hit a ball once every 30 minutes. And you will pretend you love it all. Unless, you've hit the wall and actually tell them you can't possibly watch that same episode of  iCarly one more time. You might even yell at them. You may actually hear things come out of your mouth that you swore you would never say. You may look in the mirror and see your own mother and think "Oh, now I get it."

You may question yourself every day. Did I do the right thing? Is he going to turn out okay? Am I going to turn out okay? Am I ever going to sleep again? (Or did I already say that?)And you may have days when you feel like the world's worst parent and spend hours trying to make sure your child knows you love him.

But you will laugh every day. Laugh at how simple life can be for a child. And your heart will melt every day. And you will wonder how you ever lived without your child. Even if it is the hardest thing you've ever done.